‘Fake It Until You Make It’ May Not Be the Best Advice…

We have all heard the expression, “fake it until you make it (FIUYMI)!!” Typically doled out when someone seems to lack confidence when going into certain situations. Even Taylor Swift uses it in her lyrics when she acknowledges that she did follow this advice. [IYKYK]

Following our annual convention (ACE25) in Grand Rapids, it has me reflecting on a couple of takeaways. First, I spent quite a bit of time with our young professionals. One of those meetings had me being asked for professional advice as they are building their careers. The second takeaway came in the form of feedback from people who listened to me present on the main stage during the convention and several people commented that I present myself in a very genuine, approachable way. 

With both situations floating around in my head, I really started to ponder the FIUYMI advice. I did not tell our YP’s to FIUYMI. It would have sounded very insincere in that setting. I also do not ever give this advice because I do not think it brings the best results in most situations.

For me, I can think of a specific situation, where if I had faked it – or presented as some other version of myself in order to get a job – I would not have ended up where I belonged or, I believe, even happy. During the summer between the second and third year of law school, students spend time applying and trying to secure a job as a summer associate at a firm. The jobs are very competitive, because if you do well at the firm that summer, you hope for an offer to return to work at the firm following graduation. I was among the many students attempting to secure a well-paying summer job with hopes of a lucrative position upon graduation. This girl had several years of student loans that were about to kick in, so it was very tempting! 

My grades in law school were pretty good and I was on the Wayne Law Review, which added some spark to my resume. So, I was able to secure some interviews at a couple large firms in Detroit. The interview process was very daunting. The firms conducted campus interviews first. You would see a lot of students running around wearing suits on campus and you knew they were interviewing. If the campus interviewers liked you, you’d move up to interviews at their office. 

Again, this was intimidating. For me, I had never been in these types of offices before — typically very high-end offices in tall buildings downtown. I think I did okay interviewing, but apparently not that good since I didn’t get an offer from any of the large firms. As I reflect back, I recalled that I knew, even back then, what I did wrong. 

A few of the partners of the firm asked me where I saw myself in ten years. That was such a huge question. I had no idea! I did not come from a family of lawyers that helped prepare me for the interviews and I really had little idea how the practice of law, especially at a large firm, actually worked. I was a spry 25-year-old at the time!

I didn’t know what I was doing next week, much less ten years from now. So, in a moment of panic, without much of an answer, I responded with the truth — that I was not really sure and that maybe I would look to teach at a college or law school as I enjoyed the idea of teaching after working for a decade. This was a genuine answer, and I didn’t strive to come up with something untrue.

However, it was the WRONG ANSWER! Looking back, what those seasoned partners — all men at the time of my interviews by the way —  wanted to hear was that I wanted to be a partner at the firm in ten years or otherwise advance while working for them (i.e. make them more money!) Suggesting that I would not even make it ten years at their firm was not going to get me an offer. Oh well.

My answer was genuine and not one just pulled out of my prepared remarks. I did not fake it to try and lock down the job. If a seasoned partner couldn’t see that I was a young woman that had not even started her legal career and somewhat unsure of herself, it was not the type of place where I would thrive. 

Instead, I interviewed with a small law firm with fewer than ten attorneys at the time. They celebrated everyone’s birthdays, and I would get to go to court right away instead of having to prove myself. During my interview at this small firm, I was not asked what my future plans were, just if I was interested in doing the work. I knew that their clients were credit unions, and I also knew the answer to that question – YES! And look where that answer got me!

If you must FIUYMI to be accepted or hired, what happens when you want to be yourself? Do you have to fake it every day? Do you really want something that you wouldn’t get if you were showing up as yourself? 

In a Forbes article that proposes alternatives to FIUYMI, they suggest that faking it for a job is a sure way to leap into imposter syndrome! And a lot of us already struggle with that one, so you would fake it in order to get yourself into a situation where you knew you faked it and didn’t deserve to be…only to feel even more like an imposter? No way. Not for me.

I value the compliments from people saying that I present myself in a way that is genuine. That I appear to show up on stage or in conversations as myself. Doing so certainly comes easier with more experience and as you get older, but that doesn’t mean you have to fake it until then. 

My advice is this: if you need a bit of moxie going into a meeting or an interview, don’t be fake in hopes that pretending to have certain skills becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, but instead try and work on your confidence and be prepared, and know that by being yourself, you will never have to be anyone else.

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